Home Again

"The most basic form of resistance is wanting life to be other than it is." *

I am opening this new "home" for my writing practice (which is basically a spot for me to wonder and reflect on aspects of life) on the day before my sixtieth birthday. Truly, I am no longer young! Yet somehow this makes me happy because of all the wonderful advantages this provides me. For example, although as a young person, I claimed not to care what others thought of me, I knew that I needed to be aware of their thoughts in order to make my way in the world. Now, however, I can still see and be aware of the fact that others I come in contact with may be judging me, but I can just let go of that and continue on my way. What freedom!

On a week's vacation to the Big Island of Hawaii recently, where we stayed at a B&B chosen for its description of being a "healing center," I met a former Buddhist monk and took the refuge vows; my "practice" has now been anchored and more visibly and consciously connected to others. 

I am not a good poser of questions. Questions fly wildly in my head, buzzing about in half-form, yet I feel I rarely get to the heart of matters by posing a clear question. In part, this is because I don't believe anyone else has any answers for me. I must discover those myself (as others must for themselves). But I also recognize, of course, that a good question and response can be helpful! And so, I asked this rinpoche how someone who lives out in the middle of nowhere (as I basically do) can manage to find a "sangha" to take refuge in. He said that he'd asked that same question many years ago, and that this rinpoche answered him by walking over to him and tapping a finger on his chest. 

Yes. It's all there. 


* from an article in TRICYCLE, “Breaking Through,” How to recognize and overcome three universal obstacles to practice by Ezra Bayda